lbs: "The Secrets About Gossip"

The Secrets About Gossip

Proverbs says, “Whoever goes about slandering or gossiping reveals secrets, but he or she who is trustworthy in spirit keeps them covered.”

This Scripture is obvious in its meaning that a gossip tell secrets that should not be revealed about other people. However, those who gossip also reveal secrets about themselves. In this study on gossip, we will discuss what gossip is and what it does, what secrets it reveals, what the Bible says about it, what God thinks about it, and ways to overcome it. 

What is gossip? Gossip is speaking to someone, who is neither directly part of the problem or the solution, concerning another person who is not present. 

We all have been guilty of gossip or talebearing. So no one is guiltless in this matter. We all have fallen victim to it and know how hurtful and destructive it can be. So why then do we do it?

Reasons why gossip is poison:

1. It feeds a false sense of superiority. 

    We secretly or falsely believe that in gossiping we are better than that person we are 

     gossiping about. 

2.Gossip sews distrust among co-workers, fellow believers, friends and family. 

    When someone hears you tear someone down, even when painted with the false 

     sense of care for that individual, it causes others that hear you to not trust you and 

     wonder what you must say about them when they are not around. If you value trust 

     in any relationship, you’ll stay far away from gossip. 

3. It harms your witness.  

     If you are a Christian with strong convictions, you stand to greatly deteriorate your  

     witness in the eyes of others when you participate in gossip or talebearing. ( that is  

     whether you are the speaker or the listener) How can someone trust what you say 

     about God if they can’t trust themselves with you? 

4. Gossip destroys your integrity. 

    In business, with friends or in ministry, your integrity is more valuable than gold. 

    Webster’s dictionary says integrity is: “the quality of being honest and fair; a state of 

    being complete or whole.” Talking about other person who is not present or in a 

    negative manner, brings into question your integrity.

 5. It harms or ends relationships.

     Gossip never serves to build up one another or strengthens a relationship. It almost 

      certainly is a way to destroy or severely strain one.  Proverbs 16:21 “A trouble maker plants seeds of strife, gossip separates the best of friends.”

6. Gossip ruins reputations.

Prov. 25:9-10 “When arguing with your neighbor, don’t betray another person’s secrets. Others may accuse you of gossip and you will never regain your good reputation.”    

      When we talk falsely or badly about a person, it has lasting effects . It not only 

      ruins the reputation of the one being gossiped about, but also the one doing the 

      gossiping. The gossiper may repent and ask for forgiveness, but the words are 

      already out there— alive and active. Our words matter. The words that we speak are 

      vitally important and powerful. In Matthew 12: 36-37Jesus says, “But I tell you that 

      everyone will  have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless 

      word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your     

      words you will be condemned.”

What does God and His Word say about gossip?

Proverbs 6:16 “There are six things the Lord hates, even seven that are an abomination/detestable to Him:

haughty or proud eyes, 

a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that devises wicked schemes,

feet that are quick to rush into evil,

a false witness who pours out lies 

and a person who stirs up conflict with the brethren.”

You might ask yourself which one of these does God hate the most. A murderer perhaps? But the truth is that God hates them all. 

Now let’s take a look just a few verses farther down. 

Proverbs 26:25 “Though their (speaking of a gossip) speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts.”  

What is the Bible saying here? It’s saying that all these seven abominations are found in the heart of a gossip.

Participating in gossip is one of the most dreadful, cursed things that you can do. 

Some Rabbis believe that gossip is worse than murder because one can crucify a person’s reputation over and over and over again. 

Here are some questions to ask ourselves to help prevent gossip in our lives: 

Is my conversation helpful or hurtful?

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful in building others up.”

If we are “sharing” information about another person’s demise or misfortune, it is not helpful because it’s not edifying. It’s tearing down. Therefore if it’s not helpful it’s hurtful and is gossip, and gossip is an abomination to God. 

Remember, it’s not whether information is true or untrue; but is it helpful or hurtful. “Everything that you say should be the truth, but not everything that is true should be said.”

I’m I making private matters public?

Prov. 11:12: “It’s foolish to belittle one’s neighbor, a sensible person keeps quiet.”

“ A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” 

We might fools ourselves by thinking that we are just sharing “information” about another, but this is making private matters public. We should stop and ask ourselves, “would I want people to share this information if it were me?”

I’m I permitting others to gossip?

Prov. 17:4 “Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip; liars pay close attention to slander.?

It’s not only a sin to gossip but to listen to it as well. Why? Because what you permit you promote.

What secrets gossip reveals?

1. It reveals that the one doing the gossip is probably speaking from a place of insecurity. It may be a way of projecting feelings they have about their own problems.

2.It reveals that when gossip is shared the person listening knows that you’ve shared something that was not yours to share and now will carry distrust for you. The gossiper even acknowledges confidentiality (“Don’t tell anyone …..” )   yet is willing to breach that confidence. This can create distrust from others. 

If someone will gossip to you, don’t you think that they will gossip about you? If someone knowing what the Bible says about gossip, will fearlessly talk bad about others, they will be just as fearless to talk about you. 

3. It reveals that at times we will share things that are not ours to share as a way to “hot-wire” a connection with a friend. A bond is formed by talking bad about other people, also known as “common enemy intimacy.” This type on bond between friends is counterfeit. 

4. It reveals that people who gossip a great deal may need to feel this connection because other ways of relating are not as effective. 

Discuss with the group ways to tell someone that you don’t want to participate in gossip.

Examples may be:

“You know, I really don’t think it is good to talk about “Sally” because she is not here to defend herself. Could we talk about something else?”

We can be polite yet firm “I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable to discuss this person with you like this. It really isn’t uplifting and I don’t think they would appreciate it.

When in doubt of what to say use God’s Word: Quote Proverbs 6:16 and 26:25

Discuss in the group other possible ways to thwart gossip.